HAARLEM

…no, not that Harlem. Two A’s, Haarlem. Haarlem, the Netherlands. I swear there are no ghettos here, just some old almshouses.

Through great adversity comes great opportunity, or something like that. I forget the quote, if it even was a quote in the first place.

   Anyway, I kind of screwed up. I got all excited to attend the Remembrance Day ceremonies in Amsterdam on November 11^th. I figured if there was one place to be a Canadian on Remembrance Day, it was Holland.

   After I arrived I found out that the Dutch celebrate Remembrance Day on May 4^th. So, I wallowed in sadness for a while, then kicked my ass into gear and did some awesome stuff.

   First off was the Corrie Ten Boom house, aka The Hiding Place. It’s a museum in the middle of Haarlem dedicated to the Ten Boom family, who were a family of clockmakers, but also a family who hid Jews fleeing from the Nazis in WWII. There are so many fake walls in that house, I can’t even begin…but wow. What a story. Google it, or just wait until I get back and I’ll tell you about it. (If you know me, that is.) Free, too, with very nice guides that let me loiter and ask questions.

   As I was walking away from the Ten Boom house, I saw a windmill. And I thought, ‘shucks, I’m in Holland. I should probably see at least one windmill up close.’ But this was not just any windmill. This was a museum too, one where you could go right inside and see all the inner workings of the mill. I dug that tour right into the ground, it was so cool. The original windmill had burnt down in the thirties, unfortunately, but the recreation is basically exactly the same, and fully functional to boot. I learnt more about windmills than I actually knew there was to know about windmills. Then afterwards I got to stay and have tea with the guides, which was fun. They’re all volunteers so you know they’re really enthusiastic about their work, and about things in general.

   The guides pointed me in the direction of an almshouse, of which there are several (read: a lot) in Haarlem. I’m still not sure why, but there was something about Haarlem that attracted almshouses, mainly for women. Most of them nowadays are residences, so I didn’t really get to snoop up close, but it was neat to pass by on the street.

   The guides also sent me to the Teylers Museum, which is the oldest museum in the Netherlands, and I’m willing to bet the most full of random historical stuff. It has fossils, coins, paintings, medals, sculpture, geodes, prints, books, and, my favourite, an entire room dedicated to obsolete scientific crap with funny names built by the Victorians. I swear, I will never, ever get tired of obsolete scientific Victorian crap. I got to see a ‘phonautograph’ and a ‘kaleidophone’ and an ‘automatic galvanograph’ and basically a thousand different things named with various combinations of those words. I spent way too much time in there. And then, just when I thought I was done, I found out the museum had a room dedicated to old-timey magicians, so after my heart stopped palpitating I checked it out.

   The only thing I love more than obsolete Victorian science crap is 18-19^th century magical crap. Those people were so effing clever, man. And so classy, too. Man…I miss those days, despite not being born then. I want more magicians wearing gloves and starchy vests and capes and funny mustaches.

   So, some World War Two history, a windmill, tea and cakes, and obsolete crappy Victorian things. I’d say that that is a day that more than makes up for the lack of poppies and reveilles around here.